Bit of a break

Hard to believe that I'd need a break after 10 simple blogs. It's been strange. I've sat down to write a few times and I just can't come up with anything. Even when I try to write about "nothing" it just doesn't come to me.

My intention is to keep what I write about lighthearted. Or at the very least, simple. NOTHING in my mind has been simple lately. I've got so much TIME on my hands that I just don't know what to do with myself. I gave my Monday classes to the new coach, so now it will be even MORE time. At my core, I am happy. I have enough money to save, I love my home, my work almost couldn't improve, I'm probably healthier than I have ever been; and I'm so frustrated.

Any time I try to embrace my happiness or feel joy, my brain says "enjoy it now, cause you'll be sad when it's gone." Really Brain? You live here too, you know. I'd figure you'd want to enjoy it here but I guess not. You're all about ruining the moment. ANY moment.

I can't find anything to hold my attention. Games, TV, Youtube, working out; I'm so distracted by how bored I am. It's caused me to start drinking pretty regularly so to feel some fun while I have fun. Not an ideal pastime, but my bodyfat percentage has continued to drop and I've been able to manage my drinking responsibly so it's not a "problem" yet.

I immediately have to ask myself, am I just lonely? Probably a bit, but also not really. There are a couple social apps I've checked out for singles and just meeting people. It's something I think I'll participate in sometime. If there is something I need it's being able to really talk to somebody every once in a while. I am constantly monitoring my mannerisms and speech. I am confident my politics, my beliefs, and my perspectives would do more to alienate me MORE. I'm just exhausted. The chance to really be myself with somebody would just be amazing. I've actively removed people from my life because I had to confront the fact that I truly did not like the people I had around me. I hung onto them so I would have somebody to talk to. Eventually I just didn't have anything to say to them anymore. Moved on.

How do you get out of a funk when there is no funk? Things are good. I am in a good place. A VERY good place. Best place I've been. That is the reality. Just don't feel like it.