Wrapping up September

September subverted expectations to say the least. Made a big job change and have spent most of this month trying to reestablish my "groove". My sleep schedule has done a complete 180 which has thrown my nutrition out of balance a little bit. Right around the same time I switched jobs Planet Fitness got rid of their 24-hour access. Doing my workout after work would be fantastic, so I hope they can get people hired and cover those shifts. There are a couple gyms around that offer 24 hour access but they're just too expensive. My workouts have had no consistency, so that is something I'm going to focus on this week. I'm going to plan to go in around noon. For now that seems to be when the least people are in.

I got really into a game called Runescape Dragonwilds and it started STRONG! I was having tons of fun the first few hours of the game. Thought it would be enough to keep me occupied for a few weeks at least. Not so much. When I got to the 2nd area of the game it bottlenecked resources hard and I just started getting bored. My friend and I played some co-op the other day and that will be fun for a while. In the meantime I don't see playing it as much. Which is depressing. I shouldn't say it is depressing, but I'm just so bored. When I'm bored I get depressed. Having a game I can pick up and play for a few hours is the best respite from that boredom. The truth is I need more hobbies. Reading One Piece and getting way too into video games don't facilitate the consistency I need to keep boredom at bay. Good games come along too infrequently. I've thought about trying to get back into programming and making my own game. I plan out the framework of the game, but it always comes down to the same question: What do you do with it? Gameplay loops, progression systems, difficulty balance. NOPE! I've got no clue. Making a game would be a reasonable goal. Making a game that I would like to play is impossible. So programming without that vision doesn't strike me as a valuable use of my time.

I had the same problem when I worked at Orange Theory. I have so much time and nothing to do. Fighting boredom is my biggest battle. Which is an accomplishment I suppose. I'd rather be bored than stressed.

I feel like I'm making friends at work. We've spent lots of time talking about video games and anime. That's been a good outlet that I haven't had in a while. It's also a good way to pass the time, cause holy crap time slows to a crawl at Kroger.

I heard about a movie the other day called "It Ends". It's about 4 young people who find themselves on a road that never ends. They drive endlessly. No need to stop for fuel, food, or the bathroom. The car never runs out of gas and their metabolic function has stopped. Part of the horror is this idea of that monotony will never end. This is eternity and it is a void. I asked myself that if my current level of boredom lasted the rest of my life, how would I feel? I realized that I have 2 fears for my life. I have a fear that nothing changes. I also have a fear that something changes. Life can be too cruel. It's true that I lack inspiration in my life now, I also lack strife. There are no hardships or heartaches I have to endure. The only changes left in my life are loss; so while I want something to change, I want nothing to change.

I'm hoping to go down to Jackson sometime in October. I've been wanting to go down since August but the weather has been too wet. Hopefully we'll have some dry weeks and I'll spend some time at The Shire. I love spending time there, but it has become overwhelming. One of those big changes I'm afraid of. I really don't know what the experience will be like. We cleared a lot of the lumber and the replanted trees are apparently pretty big so I'd like to see them.

September was a roller coaster. I hate roller coasters.