I wish I liked horror. Every time I hear about a good horror story I'm always disappointed cause I know I'll never see it. I'm such a chicken. They always say that your imagination fills in the gaps for your fear but I don't think that's ever been true for me. Those images are burned into my mind. Even though I never watched them, throughout my childhood I was tormented by thoughts of Chucky, the Xenomorph from Alien, and the Predator from the Predator franchise. I can think

September subverted expectations to say the least. Made a big job change and have spent most of this month trying to reestablish my "groove". My sleep schedule has done a complete 180 which has thrown my nutrition out of balance a little bit. Right around the same time I switched jobs Planet Fitness got rid of their 24-hour access. Doing my workout after work would be fantastic, so I hope they can get people hired and cover those shifts. There are a couple gyms around that of

I've mentioned that I have an unhealthy dynamic between my work establishing my value. If I'm happy with my work, I'm allowed to be happy in life. There is another area that tends to effect my value even more. When I'm in a relationship with a woman, I'm a different person. Ever since I was a kid I felt this hollowness inside me. This ache I can never alleviate on my own. When I'm in a relationship, that emptiness is gone. The trust, the love, the companionship; it has tradit

So where do I go from here? Honestly, I have no clue. My life is far from over and I have the freedom I always wanted. It doesn't really help anything. I feel this restlessness that needs to be satiated. If I look at my experiences, it leaves me with a few options: What I used to do. What I can do now? How I will be remembered? What I used to do was fitness goals, dated, and made Youtube videos. Fitness goals were easy. Outline a program, come up with check points, and adjust

I feel like philosophizing. The problem is my mind goes to moderately negative places. When I started this blog my intention was to collect my thoughts here, which at the time seemed uncharacteristically positive and hopeful. Then I started to realize outside my positive financial situation, I wasn't that hopeful at all. At the same time, I didn't want to platform these thoughts. I had new depressions. New problems that if I lingered on, they would win. Not acknowledging thes

I really wanted to be done with these. Throughout the years I've wanted to find that skill that makes me special. I knew it would be in fitness, and I finally found it: I'm a teacher. A damn good one. I found this thing I could do and figured I'd hone that skill as I grew. Now, I find myself at another fork in the road. Neither that I would take, but I have no real choice. I'm giving up what I'm good at for something I know nothing about. No clue whether I will ever be any go

It seems all this boils down to one question: What do you do when you "find yourself"? I find myself wondering if I am just wasting my life. Most of my days run together. For the most part it's just the same thing over and over. Even my workouts change very little. I rewatch my favorite shows and replay my favorite games. I am off 4 days and work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. By the time I go to work on Thursday I feel like I squandered all 4 days off. It feels like I have

Hard to believe that I'd need a break after 10 simple blogs. It's been strange. I've sat down to write a few times and I just can't come up with anything. Even when I try to write about "nothing" it just doesn't come to me. My intention is to keep what I write about lighthearted. Or at the very least, simple. NOTHING in my mind has been simple lately. I've got so much TIME on my hands that I just don't know what to do with myself. I gave my Monday classes to the new coach, so

Finally, a day off. Picked up a few days of work this week that ended up being a bit more disruptive to my routine than I expected. Ended up having more cheat meals than usual. I ended up working the morning and evening a couple days this week and it just left me no time to get my calories in. Today I'll be getting back on my meal plan. Had my workout this morning, but didn't exactly do what I intended. It's crazy the amount of times I've been working out with ONE other perso

This has been a very productive few weeks! I've managed to come down around 3% body fat in around 3.5 weeks. Had a couple cheats but for the most part I've been sticking to my meal plan. Breakfast: 10oz yogurt, 1 scoop whey protein, 1 scoop Psyllium husk, 100g of frozen fruit Lunch: PF Chang's frozen beef and broccoli with 1 cup of white rice Dinner: 12oz steak Work days I drink a 32oz gatorade I've been trying to consistently have 2 eggs as a snack. Pretty sick of eggs at th

I've been waiting all day for some kind of inspiration to write about. Just hasn't really been anything coming to mind. This week will be normal. Nothing out of the ordinary on my work schedule. Pretty sure there is nothing on my day to day calendar either. Next week will be my first laser hair removal appointment is Tuesday and I'm working Wednesday, so a little bit more going on then. The weather has been particularly cold lately, ready for it to warm up about 10-20 degrees

I struggle with the notion of having no goals. I've been living on my own since 2014 and I feel like my life has been nothing but goals. Especially in April 2015 when I lost my job at a local CrossFit gym. I went back to personal training and my life became even MORE about goals. I needed to have personal goals that would validate my position as a fitness professional, I had client goals I needed to make to ensure I had enough money each month, all while trying to have SOME f

I've got 6 more weeks doing what I'm doing before I make any real changes. What am I doing? 3-4 workouts a week. No cardio, just weight training. Intermittent fasting. 8 hour eating window from Noon-8:00pm every day Walking 2-4 miles a day Having 2700 calories on days I do not work, around 3100 calories on the days I do Sleeping a little more than usual/Keeping my condo at 68 degrees In a nutshell, that's the plan for the next six weeks. I'll do an Inbody scan 5/6 and 6/2. Th

When I was growing up at my Grandmother's there was always something that needed done. Amongst all the crap that had to be done, one of my daily duties was to feed the birds. I sincerely hated it. These birds are not pets. Why are we feeding them? Aren't these wild birds supposed to be able to fend for themselves? We are crippling their chances for survival! Don't these things migrate? We're basically creating a seasonal invasive species by incentivizing no migration. I could

I don't really believe anything happens for a reason. You can consider me a bit of a nihilist. No structure, no rhyme or reason, just beautiful existence. Still, I've been encountering dogs an awful lot lately. Enough to make me confront the decision: Do I want a dog? Well yes and no. Yes, I want a dog. I've got the time and money to invest in giving a dog a great home. My work schedule would leave me available to spend plenty of time with a puppy as they needed intervention.

I'm nowhere near as tech savvy as I used to be. I was never a real authority but when I was a student at Devry I at least had a technical competency. These days I can keep up with what I need to but I realize more and more how little I know about tech. Setting up this blog is the most I've dealt with AI. I've made websites using HTML code, using square-space website wizard, and now this. I'm in disbelief at the simplicity of website creation. Fortunately it seems like AI is i

I'm about 1 week in to a handful of nutritional changes I made. Zero pop is probably the most significant. I have been drinking Gamer Fuel as my caffeine supplement. I don't feel nearly the discomfort I had when I was drinking Mt. Dew. On days I work I have 40 oz. of Gatorade to get those carbs, otherwise I try to go without. I've also put myself on an intermittent fasting schedule. I start eating at noon and cut everything off at 8:00pm. For the most part I've been good abou

I find myself in what feels like an early retirement. If you ask the stars it's because Cancer is finishing a 9-year struggle cycle and starting a 21-year ascension to greatness. Generally I roll my eyes at astrology. At the same time, I find it's helpful to have a foundation for your mindset whether that's religion, personal philosophy, or your zodiac reading for the day. It can be something to reflect on rather than be the solution to my problems. I'd be lying if I said the